Rascal Flatts' Jay DeMarcus reveals 'heartbreak' over giving daughter up for adoption

Rascal Flatts member Jay DeMarcus is opening up about giving his first child up for adoption.

The musician revealed in his memoir "Shotgun Angels: My Story of Broken Roads and Unshakeable Hope" that he and then-girlfriend, Maggie, got pregnant in their early 20s.

"We'd had sex one time, but I knew it. I knew she was pregnant," he wrote, expressing disappointment over breaking his "commitment to God and myself that I was going to wait until I got married."

DeMarcus said the couple turned to adoption after realizing they didn't want to be together or get married for the sake of their child. "Abortion was never an option," he wrote.

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"From the very beginning, I wanted to be in (my daughter's) life," he added. "But her mother, Maggie, didn’t want either one of us in her life. That was a hard pill to swallow. I understand that sometimes life sends us reeling because of unexpected situations. But my heart in that moment, though scared, still desired to be in this beautiful child’s life."

He continued: "The real heartbreak is that I never got a chance to…even meet her."

DeMarcus found some peace knowing his child, now in her 20s, "ended up with a wonderful family," and wonders who she grew up to be.

"There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wonder about her – what she’s doing, what her favorite ice cream is, what her favorite movie is, where she goes to school. Does she know who I am? Does she like music?" he wrote.

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He recalled the entire pregnancy being filled with "panic and fear" over the implications it would have on his career. He was in the Christian duo East to West at the time with Neal Coomer.

"This new pregnancy with a girl I wasn’t really serious about – while playing in a Christian band, playing in 'Christian venues,' singing about 'Christian' themes – created quite the tension. I thought my world was going to end," he wrote.

Despite getting support from his mother, who offered to adopt the child, and Coomer, the music industry was less forgiving. "My record label dropped me; my booking agent released me. And management? You guessed it," DeMarcus said.

He continued: "I understand, I guess, but it does seem that many Christians all too often kill their wounded instead of taking time to be there to help pick someone up."

DeMarcus wed former beauty queen Allison Alderson in 2004 and they share two children together – Madeline Leigh, 8, and Dylan Jay, 6.

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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Rascal Flatts' Jay DeMarcus reveals 'heartbreak' over giving daughter up for adoption