Google just held the worst product launch event of 2024

I miss the good old days when phone launches were phone launches and not AI events that I have to assume were created using AI that promptly ignored instructions and decided to make it all about itself. Google barely seemed to mention the latest phones and hardware and glossed over the tech during its Made by Google event on August 13 in its rush to try and convince us that its AI is more interesting.

Not about phones

If you’re seeking proof the event wasn’t really about its Pixel phones, then look no further than Google using Samsung and Motorola phones on stage to demonstrate its AI features at an event it had already confirmed would feature new Pixel 9 series devices. It also led with 30 minutes of Gemini AI talk and demonstrations before it got to the phones. Even then, we saw a Pixel 9 used (for an AI demo, of course) before it was even spoken about.

One hour into the event, I’d seen only a handful of renders showing the Pixel 9 phones, as the hardware was almost completely ignored. The new phones appear to be a wonderful evolution of what is already a brilliant design, and while Google had cameras capturing the “action” all over the stage, we never got any lovely close-up beauty shots of the phones.

Why? Because everyone was desperate to show off how the AI would mess around with my photos, tell me the weather, organize screenshots, and say “super” a lot. The problem is that none of Google’s AI demonstrations were that compelling. It was all the same variations on a theme we saw during Google I/O this year. In fact, there were times when I felt I was reliving Google I/O, which wasn’t something I relished.

It only got worse

The exciting Pixel Watch 3’s introduction was all over in less than 10 minutes, despite it having one of the only truly interesting features of the event — Loss of Pulse Detection. This is a health feature we have never seen before, and unlike most of the AI demos, it was something that everyone could immediately understand why it mattered and how it may actually make a difference to someone’s life.

But Google couldn’t hold back for long because as soon as the Pixel Buds Pro 2 came out, it leaped at the chance to do a live demonstration of someone talking to Gemini Live. It was as awkward and cringe-inducing as all the other lets-talk-to-AI demonstrations during the event, so we still didn’t learn anything new, and it certainly didn’t do anything to sell the product.

“The Gemini era is real,” said Google’s vice president of platforms and devices, Rick Osterloh, when closing the event before going on to talk even more about AI. At least it was about Project Astra, which was one of the only interesting things that came out of Google I/O. Yet, here, it didn’t appear very interesting at all because of the massive AI overload everyone had sat through. On and on the closing demonstrations went, with evermore outlandish questions I don’t believe anyone will ever ask AI with any seriousness. Like how to start a business.

It’s all over

Make Everyday Easier With Gemini

When the event was finally done, Osterloh said attendees could go and try the AI features straightaway. He didn’t say go and try the Pixel 9, the Pixel 9 Pro Fold, or the Pixel Watch. Google’s mind is solely on Gemini and AI, to the point where it has forgotten that we all need to buy the phones, watches, and earbuds to use them. I think some new devices were launched during the event that would fit the bill, but I must have missed the details when I went to the bathroom.

I want to know about the hardware and the underlying tech that makes the AI work. I want to be beguiled by the new design and understand every curve of the updated shape. I want to know about the test process that enabled the phones to be twice as durable, and I want to see the proof of it, too. Drop a phone out of a plane or something. Show me the watch on a wrist with different straps, how different the new size looks, and just how much smaller the bezels are. I want to fall in love with the products during a product launch event, but I came away from this one barely knowing them at all.

Oh, and if you stayed around for the After Party livestream, Hot Ones host Sean Evans sat down with Osterloh and fed him spicy wings and prewritten questions. The first one? “What makes you most excited about the current state of AI?” It would be funny if it wasn’t so utterly soul-destroying.