'Kate Plus 8' New Season Review: Kate Is 'Horrified' by Cara and Mady

Just in time for the holiday season: a new season of Kate Plus 8! Your wish has been granted! Tuesday night’s premiere was typical of the latter-day version of the much-loved/much-loathed series: The producers think up a trip for Kate Gosselin and her eight children to take — in this case, a Florida vacation. It’s designed to showcase a colorful backdrop for Kate’s meltdowns.

At this point in the Gosselin saga, twins Mady and Cara are 15, and the sextuplets are 11. You knew the season was not off to a promising start when the premiere spent the first two segments with the kids shopping for luggage as Kate tried to rev up viewer excitement by telling the camera operator, “The little children will be packing their own suitcases for the first time!”

Soon they were down in Florida, all nine — plus a can’t-pay-her-enough helper (nanny? friend?) named Andrea, plus an extra pal for Mady and Cara — were ensconced in a vacation home. Kate drove them to the beach in a golf cart, which she was frightened of and shocked to discover she had to drive across the street through traffic. In one of the understatements of her life, Kate told the camera, “My kids said I was making a big deal out of nothing.” I’m sure she later said to them, away from any microphone, “Me making a big deal out of nothing is how we can afford everything, you ungrateful whelps!”

On the beach, Mady and Cara met three teenage boys, and you could see them chatting from a distance. The camera stayed on Kate, who observed this with horror. I’m not exaggerating; that’s what she called it: “I was horrified!” she said of the idea of her teen daughters talking with teen boys. “No. This is not okay with me… It worries me.”

With a normal parent, you’d say, “There, there, dear — your instincts are normal; of course you’re sad to see your children growing up.” But this is Kate Gosselin, World-Class Control Freak we’re talking about. You fear for the girls, since if Kate is willing to go on camera and express horror at idle chit-chat, what must she have yelled at the girls when the cameras clicked off?

The nice thing is, the kids all seem to have Mom’s number. “Who works best under pressure?” one of the off-camera producers asked the three younger girls. “Not Mommy!” they all screeched in unison. One of them added, “This show should be called Kate Plus Kate, because Mommy does everything.” Ha!

I also noticed that, after a morning spent frolicking on the beach, Kate was the only person who seemed to get sunburned. Mother, heal thyself.

Kate Plus 8 airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on TLC.